What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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