I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
