i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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