in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
