people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I love you.
Bad choice
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
