Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
