He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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