Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
