I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
