Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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