I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
