Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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