I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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