I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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