So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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