So drunk its hurt
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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