we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
