sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
