She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
