if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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