Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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