You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
