if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
