i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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