Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
