My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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