I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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