I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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