thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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