So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
