can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
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Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
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No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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