I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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