it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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