Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
