Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
