Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
