your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
