my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
