so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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