i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
