Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
