it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
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Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
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I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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