This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
