you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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