The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
