Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Blood and glitter go together right?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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