After last night, I could never be a politician.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize