I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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