Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
