im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
