Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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