shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
