my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
