So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
