id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
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We left an ass print on the piano.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
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Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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