Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
