Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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