"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just blew my weed a kiss
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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