On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just had sex on a roof
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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