Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
