I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
