had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
