Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
