youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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