Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
