Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
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I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
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He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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