matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
