at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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