Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
